Mama bear

It's been 2 months to date. The days turned to weeks and now to months. I can't believe how fast the time is passing. With Christmas behind us, a bright new year awaits!

This past month we have seen a Child Development specialist (I never knew such an occupation existed up until now). Shirley is great and is very encouraging. I learned how to do Baby Massage, and Lennox enjoys the benefits following his bath. We also saw a physiotherapist who gave some ideas for optimal positioning to help him control his extremities easier. Our little man has cooperated every time:)

Lennox has been the perfect baby. He squaks instead of crying and those squaks are rare. Even though he's so quiet, he still lets us know he's there:). His immunizations were this morning and he has been a good boy all day. He now weighs 8lbs 7oz and we are doing well with Breastfeeding. Thank goodness!

He is such a content munchkin and seems to be starting to smile intentionally, Not all the time, but when he does, he smiles with his whole face! His beautiful eyes turn into crescent moons and it melts our hearts every time!

He coos and makes little sighing sounds when he's laying still and looking around. And he is becoming more active by swinging his arms and hitting his toys. Whether he means to or not, it is still fun to watch him learn.

His neck is getting stronger day by day and he seems to get upset if he can't hold his head up as long as he'd like to. Daddy does leg exercises with him and he pushes on Paxton's hands with ease. He has a lot of strength, especially in his arms and manages to pull himself up while holding our fingers. His little head often lags when he does it and he gets upset, but his strength and tone is most impressive:)

Of all these wonderful moments that have passed, my favorite has to be that he KNOWS me. He senses when I'm not around and seems fussy until I return. He settles with the mere sound of my voice. My boy loves me and I love my boy! I am his mommy and he knows it...What a feeling:)

Happy 2 months Monkey:)

Twelve Days of Christie-mas

On the first day of Christie-mas,

The Good Lord sent to me

A perfectly precious baby!

On the second day of Christie-mas,

The Good Lord sent to me

Two hairy dogs...

On the third day of Christie-mas,

The Good Lord sent to me

Three growing teens...

On the fourth day of Christie-mas,

The Good Lord sent to me

Four cups of "joe"...

On the fifth day of Christie-mas,

The Good Lord sent to me an energetic

Five year old!

On the sixth day of Christie-mas,

The Good Lord sent to me

Six hours of sleep...

(I'll take it!)

On the seventh day of Christie-mas

The Good Lord sent to me

Seven mouths to feed...

On the eighth day of Christie-mas,

The Good Lord sent to me

Eight feet of snow...

(Ok, it's a slight exaggeration)

On the ninth day of Christie-mas,

The Good Lord sent to me

Nine loads of laundry...

(It's never ending)

On the tenth day of Christie-mas,

The Good Lord sent to me

Ten days off school...

On the eleventh day of Christie-mas,

The Good Lord sent to me

Eleven extra pounds...

(All the goodies aren't helping)

On the twelfth day of Christie-mas,

The Good Lord sent to me

Twelve for turkey dinner...

Yum!

This year has brought me a lifetime of joy and I am very thankful for all the happy moments and have appreciation for the challenges I have experienced. I know 2014 will be full of many more exciting and maybe challenging times but I am looking forward to making new memories with my family and friends. Thank you to everyone who have been so supportive this past year. Your love has been the greatest gift:). I wish you all a happy holiday full of memories with your loved ones!

Merry Christmas and a happy new year everyone :)

"V" for victory!

Lennox had a sleep study last night to see if he's ready to come off the oxygen. I've already had him off it for nearly 2 weeks during the day, and only putting it on him at night. 

He is much stronger and very alert and alot more active than he was even 2 weeks ago. He is growing more each and every day and gaining weight slowly each week. He is now 8 lbs! As they say, "slow and steady wins the race!" 

Anyway, it turns out he is completely fine off the oxygen but because we are well into RSV season, they would like to keep him on it at night for the next month. More for precautionary measures in case he becomes sick at anytime. Because he is still so small and it's only been a month or so, he hasn't really built up quite enough reserve to withstand an illness like RSV, even with his immunizations. So, unfortunately the oxygen is going to continue to be a thorn in my side at least until February. But it is all for good reason and of course I want whats best for my little Prince :)

A bittersweet victory!

Home run for Lennox

Well my boy has done it! We have been nursing now for the past 4 days. Exclusively nursing. No supplements, no top ups. At first I was very nervous for obvious reasons. He has been gaining weight steadily and I was worried that might change if I played around with our feeding routine. Feeding challenges are very common in babes with DS. I have learned that first hand. And there was no way I wanted to go down that road again. 

It was a bit of a struggle at first. Essentially he had to learn to latch all over again. A couple of times I was ready to give up. To just go back to what was working. In many ways it seemed easier. But now that we've achieved what I was hoping for, I realize my old routine of pumping and sterilizing bottles, was way more draining. 

I don't want to preach about the benefits of breastfeeding. I am 110% in favor of each mother doing what she feels is best for her and her baby. I am not one of those women that stands there and says with hands on hips "breast is best". I chose to give him the benefits of breastfeeding for not only the nutrients and added protection against any illnesses but for the potential of it helping later, with his speech by strengthening his tongue and jaw. I still offer him the occasional bottle, mostly when we're out. To me, it seems easier. We are a busy family and stopping the entire gang for even 20 minutes just sometimes isn't an option. It works. And if "it ain't broke, why fix it?"

I will see if its going as well as I think it is, later this week at weigh in. It's hard not to stress about whether he is getting what he needs. It goes back to the feeling of inadequacy and self doubt. But I really just need to trust my instincts. I have had over 5 weeks to get to know my baby. He can show me in many ways what he needs and I just need to relax and listen to him. We both know what we're doing, and the best part is, we're doing it together. 

I think we've hit this one out of the park!

Time flies

It's hard to believe that a month has gone by already. I know it's only been 31 days but it feels like we've covered alot of ground in that time. And yet it feels like Lennox has been a part of our family since forever!

He has been a very easy baby. He rarely cries and when he does make a peep, it literally is just that. A squawk here and there. He manages to make noise by "yelling". As if to say "Hey!"  He appears to be smiling more and I noticed him watching me as I was talking to someone today. He had a look of admiration or recognition or something on his little face that melted my heart:)

The kids are adjusting to having a baby around again and all manage to help out here and there. Braedyn is the most involved by wanting to change him and cuddles him often. Jaye loves the cuddles too but is also very busy being a teenager:) Magnus is proud big brother and always tells him that he loves him. He is patient and gentle, but is also 5 years old so his attention span is very limited. Ky has surprised me the most by always asking about "little man" and always giving him a kiss on the forehead when he's around. He likes to hold him often too. Baby therapy...calms your breathing, clears your mind and soothes your nerves. Nothing beats holding a sleeping baby. 

Right now he is still so small, but soon enough he will be an active part of the Lang Gang. So I am going to treasure these moments. I will take baby therapy for as long as I can, because time flies and these moments will be a distant memory all too soon!

Happy one month <3

The air we breathe

I feel like I should be blogging a lot more than I do. But to be honest, there's not a lot to blog about. I'm equally as surprised.

Since coming home from Children's, Lennox has turned the corner and continues to do well. He is thriving and growing more and more each day. He looks healthy and his cheeks have filled out and his visible ribs have disappeared. His jaundice is completely gone and his color is back to pink. So, we are headed down the right path and as the next couple of weeks come closer, we'll be hopefully revisiting his need for oxygen. 

The whole oxygen thing initially caused me great anxiety. I've never had to deal with oxygen before, other than at work. But in the hospital, we just hook the tubing to the meter in the wall and patients are always on monitors when they have oxygen on. So when you have a newborn baby on portable O2 at home, it is a little more stressful. To me, anyway. There are no monitors to remind you to turn it on, or to alert you if the saturation level is lower than it should be. I admit, I have started walking and forgot to bring the portable tank with, or vise versa! I wake in the night in a panic, making sure that I remembered to turn it on when I changed the tanks. I worry about him pulling the prongs from his nose...and it goes on and on. Yes, it is a huge hassle, but little man needs it (for now) while he's sleeping. And I am getting better at relaxing and not allowing it to stess me out. Lord knows I have alot of other things I need to be thinking about. I have been taking it off when he's awake and alert, and it's nice to see his sweet face without the extra plastic tube under his nose. I think he likes the break too. 

All in all, we have developed a routine and we have gotten to know each other. It was a bit of a rocky start, but we figured it out and now it is as natural as the air we breathe.

Rounding second...

Our little slugger has done remarkably well since coming home from the hospital. The first week we were playing catch up. His feeds were slow and painful. He often would take up to an hour to finish a 60ml bottle. And whatever he didn't finish, I would syringe into his little mouth.  It was like feeding a baby bird, drop by drop. He ended up spilling as much as he was swallowing. Luckily it all paid off and he is now stronger and more alert and takes his bottle like a pro. The feeds are down to 20 mins and he takes anywhere from 60-100ml at a time. Our nurse came by the house the other day for a weight. Happy to report he is now 6lbs 8oz! A gain of nearly 200g over the week. It is safe to say that we've rounded second base. Next hurdle is the oxygen. I think he is so much stronger now, I'm not sure if he even needs it anymore. We will have follow up in 2 weeks and fingers crossed, we can lose it.

Lennox is a dream baby that sleeps well and rarely cries. He squirms and squeaks to cue for his next meal:). He is starting to look like he's trying to smile and follows your face and voice. So darn cute, my heart aches:). We love you Li'l man!

Go team!

As a family we have grown by one, and all are in love with Lennox. We have meshed in a way that makes my heart so happy. The older ones really pulled together while I was away and helped with Magnus. Ky and Magnus seem to have a stronger bond than ever, and I feel proud that my young man rose to the challenge. Mama has been a tremendous help with keeping the house in order and everyone fed. Pax has been as loving and supportive as he always has been. Watching him with a new baby, makes me love him even more. He is such a good dad, that I know any challenges we may face with raising Lennox, we will face them together. My family, my team!

Lennox also has many other teams that are rooting for him. Now that we've been home for a few days. I'd like to say things have been going tickity boo, but that would be a lie. There are so many people involved in his care that it is overwhelming. The saying "too many cooks the kitchen" comes to mind. But I guess the more people to care for him and help him succeed, the better.

We have the Public Health Nurses come in to check his weight and feeding etc. Since home, we still struggle with feeding. The goal is to get him back to birthweight ASAP. He still tires, even with the bottle, and I occasionally need to syringe feed him. Which he at times still rejects by spitting out a percentage. It sometimes feels like I'm losing this battle. I am persistent in feeding him every three hours, whether he wants it or not. And the feeds take anywhere from 20-60 minutes. The PH nurses put pressure on to minimize the feeds to 20 minutes, otherwise he is spending too many calories. I understand the rationale but it is a little frustrating, because they are basing their teaching on the "average" neonate. So now I have moved on to a new team at the Breastfeeding clinic. Even though I am currently not nursing him, I am hoping once he gets stronger, he will sustain enough energy to exclusively breastfeed. That is my goal!

Today, we had the Paediatric Homecare team come by the house to check his oxygen levels, vital signs and weight. Happy to report that he is almost at birthweight! The nurse will continue to come out weekly for weights and check ups. The RT plans in coming by every couple of weeks until he is off the O2, which will hopefully be in a month's time.

There is also the Early Child Development Team, that will follow him well into his teen years. I have yet to meet with them all, but the Nurse Clinician came out to see us while in hospital and will follow up within the next couple of weeks. I spoke with the Dietician from the team and we decided to fortify his breast milk to increase his caloric intake. There is also an OT, that touched base with me today as well. So there are alot of people on our side that will be along for the ride. It's reassuring to know that I will never be alone and there are the resources available to us on this  incredible journey.

A journey that we will take day by day...So all of our days are filled with sunshine:)

2750g today... Almost at birthweight of 2790g.  Go Baby Lennox:)

A rough patch

I'm sitting here looking out the window of our room at the Children's Hospital. Watching the traffic come and go as people hurry home for the long weekend. I am in my own little world here, taking it day by day, watching Lennox go through peaks and valleys of his road to recovery. It has been a crazy nine days since his birth. And as his mother, I find myself beginning to doubt myself and my abilities to properly provide for him. A terrible feeling to have. And the hormonal roller coaster I'm on doesn't help either:(

Lennox was admitted to the hospital for the second time since discharge. Once for phototherapy at 2 days of age and again on Monday for increased lethargy, poor feeding and low body temperature. 

Not so thrilled to be under the lights and away from Mommy:(

You would think by baby numbe five, I would know what i was doing. and maybe even have a few tricks up my sleeve. But no. Every baby is different. What I thought was effective feeding turned out not to be the case. And due to his jaundice and inadequate intake landed us here for the week. He struggles to maintain his oxygen saturation levels and is requiring a wee bit of oxygen, which we may end up going home on. He is only awake for short periods at a time which is making me doubt my ability to adequately feed him enough. It is so difficult to watch him lay there so still. It breaks my heart in two. He wasn't the same baby he was a mere 18 hours earlier. How things can turn on a dime. Luckily I was in the right place when he took a turn. Thank you all ACH staff, you all are amazing at what you do!

All puffed up from a fluid bolus 

So many wires made feeding an even bigger challenge

My amazing little man was so brave and so tolerant

He had a full work up done to rule out Sepsis. He got an IV in his left hand, a catheter to collect a sterile urine specimen, nasal aspirations for RSV, and 9 other viruses, and a lumbar puncture. That was a lot for a little person to endure in the first week of life. Luckily, everything came back negative.

He managed to be off oxygen for 3 hours one day, but couldn't maintain his levels enough to stay off

Catching a few flies and some much needed Z's

I had a hard time holding it together. I felt so out of control. Nothing I did seemed to make a difference. His feeding remained poor despite my efforts to breast feed. The LC came in and offered some excellent advice. I thought we were well on our way to fattening up my little monkey. Turns out nursing is hard work and he was tiring too quickly to feed effectively. As much as it broke my heart, I knew I had to offer him the bottle. I figured with less effort, he may stand a chance at gaining weight. Even with the bottle, he still would struggle to finish. Because he is so small and struggles to maintain his weight, he tires quickly that his oxygen level goes down during feeding and sleeping. He required oxygen to help keep his saturations above 92%. We tried to wean him off before going home, but the little muffin couldn't do it. So it looks like we'd head home with extra luggage, an oxygen tank.

My family and friends were amazing and the love and support was endless. Friends came during the day and the fam jam came for snuggles at night

As hard as the week was, it was a forced rest for me. Since home the first time, I was trying to get back into the routine I left before the baby. In hospital, it was just Lennox and I. There were no other demands but to try and help him get better. It was truly a bonding experience for us. Not that I had any trouble with that. I was in love from the moment I heard his cry in the OR:)

I was so thankful to be in my place of work. I was surrounded by friends and coworkers that came to visit us daily, bringing coffee, treats and meals and lots of supportive hugs. We are truly blessed to be surrounded by such a wonderful group. I will be forever grateful to my friends that made a difficult time, less stressful by just being there to cuddle baby Lennox and offer me support in any way I needed it. Thank you girls, you know who you are. You are the best and I love ya!

So home bound again...this time to stay.

Meet Lennox

I have been meaning to get going on announcing the arrival of our sweet little bean, but to be honest, I have been so busy trying to keep my head above water that I haven't had the time.

Finally, here's his birth story...

Meet Lennox Jack Gunnar, born on Wednesday, October 30/13 at 1:07am. He is 6lbs 2oz of beautiful! Absolute perfection! From his head of golden blond hair to his button nose and almond eyes and luscious lips to his curved pinkies and little webbed toe. Positively the cutest baby I have ever made :) aside from the other 4 of course! He looks just like Magnus did as an infant. Their noses are a little different but you can definitely see the resemblance.

The week started off like every other week. Monday I volunteered in the classroom in the morning as I have for the past 2 weeks. I had been occasionally tightening/cramping on and off throughout the night and into the day.  When I finally slowed down towards supper time, I noticed them coming more regularly. I went to bed early, to see if with resting, maybe they would stop. They didn't. We headed to the hospital around midnight for assessment. I was in the the early stages of labour and knew I couldn't get into active labour with my history, which is why we had a c-section booked. Long story short, nothing happened that night and we ended up home in bed at 6:00 am. Only to be up at 9:30 the next morning, still with regular cramping. I went all day running errands and whatever else it is I do in a day. And Braedyn and I headed back to the hospital around 6:00pm, until daddy was done work. The unit was extremely busy and I waited in the triage waiting room for nearly an hour and a half. The cramps had turned to full on contractions by the time I was assessed in triage. Luckily my physician was the doc on call and came to check me right away. It was decided that we would do the section that night, as soon as it was safe to do so. Laboured continued until the wee hours of the morning and I was VERY uncomfortable by the time I was in the OR. Spinal in, baby out! He passed his assessment by the NICU team with flying colors so he stayed with us the entire time. Braedyn got to watch the entire surgery from the viewing window and was the first to see him. I watched her expressions of amazement and sheer joy as she cried the happiest of tears. It was such a special moment for her that it made me cry too. She and Lennox will have a very special bond for life.

I remember thinking...who's he going to look like? Will we be able to see that he has Down syndrome right away and does it really matter? Then I saw his sweet swollen face. His little eyes all puffy, slightly slanting upwards and his round little face and he had this incredibly long little tongue that darted in and out while his daddy held him. It was the funniest thing we have ever seen a new baby do. He was so precious. I couldn't wait to get my hands on him and smother him with mommy kisses! 

We were moved to our room an hour or so following recovery. This is where I really got to know my sweet little boy. I already loved him so much, it hurt...so thankful for him and the joy he has already brought to me and our family. I managed to nurse him and he took to the breast right away. I was so happy that things seemed to be going seamlessly.

I love you to the moon, baby boy! I wouldn't change a hair on your little head💋

He had an ultrasound of his abdomen which was clear and also had a fetal echocardiogram which also was good. Home the next day to start our lives with the newest addition to the Lang Gang. Nothing but blue skies ahead...

Two weeks and counting...

I feel great! Ready to have a baby anytime, but I am feeling well. In fact I was thinking that of all my babies, this pregnancy has physically been the best one. I really can not complain. I am just ready to meet him. To tickle his little feet that have been kicking me all this time. To hold his tiny fists that jab at my cervix. And kiss his sweet little face that I've been longing to see. 

My ultrasounds are done now. Everything looks excellent health wise with him.  He has even been sucking his thumb! Which I find promising for feeding:)

Yes, it is time.  I am ready.  We, as a family are ready to meet our new little superstar! The date has been changed to November 7 now.  It is a good number and a good day... It just has to come faster:)

Tick Tock

With less than 4 weeks to go, I'm done work for the year. His room is ready and the bags are even packed. Most of my Christmas shopping is done and wrapped. I am 110% prepared! And time stands still...

I still feel great, so I guess I should just appreciate that and not worry so much about counting down the days. I couldn't imagine if I wasn't feeling so well. However, it has felt like a long pregnancy for me. And as much as I enjoy being pregnant, I am finding myself growing more and more anxious to meet him! But the days seem to take so long for one to pass into another. I should have left more to do to pass this time. But I am the type of person that likes things done yesterday. I can't help it, it's who I am. So now here I sit.

Since being off work, I have managed to fill my days with shopping, coffee and lunch dates and some light housekeeping. I started volunteering in Magnus's classroom 3 times a week until babe arrives. And after my recovery, I hope to continue to go once a week. He is so excited even though he doesn't fully understand what it means to have a new baby around. He told me the other day that he can't wait to play with his brother. When I told him that he won't be able to play for awhile, as all babies do at first is eat and sleep. He responded by saying that he can play his baby toys with him. It was so cute and heart felt. He will, no doubt, be the best big brother!

So the countdown is on. It is 3 weeks, 6 days or 637 hours.  Tick tock, tick tock!