One of those days:(

I had a rough day today. I was EXTREMELY emotional for no good reason. It was so random and just plain silly. I'm not exactly sure why I am sharing this. I guess to admit to myself and others that life isn't always sunshine and rainbows:)

The day started off as every other except this morning Lennox and I dashed out the door at 8:00 am for his appointment with the Vision Clinic at ACH. Happy to report his peepers are perfect! Spent a couple of hours at the hospital and then headed for home. As usual, Mr. Man was an angel.

It was a typical morning except on the way to our appointment, I became teary thinking about something... Not even sure why it affected me, but it did nonetheless. I have a niece that is not only stunningly gorgeous on the outside but equally as beautiful on the inside. She has had a friend who happens to have Down syndrome for probably over 10 years. She posted a pic of them on FB and just thinking of it warmed my heart so much it actually brought me to tears. I love that girl and I know that she will ALWAYS have Lennox's back. Thank you Teagan, for being beautiful you<3

So that was just the start of my emotional breakdown. 

My mind seemed to be the worst place for me today...the more I thought about things, the loonier I became. I felt I was headed for Crazytown and my bags were packed. Driving home from the hospital, I became teary yet again for something I don't even remember now. Once home, I struggled with my FB page and the issues that seemed to have popped up overnight....VERY disheartening for me:(

I felt I needed some fresh air and the sun on my face to clear whatever crazy blues that had taken over my brain. You know how they say "A 10 minute walk is all you need to clear your mind and boost your spirit"? Not today. We walked for a whole hour and pretty much the whole time I was weeping about something... Lennox fell asleep and when I'd peek in and see him dozing so peacefully with his little tongue poking through his lips, thinking he is just so perfect...more tears. I thought about Lennox's upcoming walk for Ups and Downs and how our team will be close to 30 people. My peeps taking time to come out and support us means so much to me. I don't think they even have a clue how much it means to me. I'm tearing up again just thinking about it. Gah!!!  

I'm not entirely sure what other things crossed my mind on the walk, I just remember thinking...I am an ugly crier and people walking by are going to wonder what's wrong with my face! There are other families that I have connected with over FB that have legitimate reasons to cry today. And I actually cried for them too. What is my deal?

I honestly thought I was losing my mind. I wasn't sure what was happening to me or why. Early menopause maybe...? Whatever it was I'm glad the day is over. I'm not always a rock and I'm not always the glue. I am me and I am taking one day at a time. Some days are better than others. And today was an off day for me. I am okay admitting it. The sun will rise again tomorrow and with that comes a fresh start. Good night!

PS. My girlfriend's daughter, Megan posted on FB her fundraising campaign...for Down syndrome Awareness. http://teespring.com/miraclesof21

I had NO idea about this at all until it came up in my News Feed. And guess what happened next? It was the icing on the cake! Bless you Meg<3. I hope you raise your goal and more!!!

The Latest Buzz

Yesterday was a decent day. The sun was out for most of the day and the rain held off until after bedtime. Usually when the sun is out it makes me happy, but for some reason this weekend I have felt kind of blah... It's been a long week and I guess it's catching up with me.

Friday night was date night. Hubby and I went out for dinner and left the little ones with Grandma and Grandpa. Magnus always loves it when they watch him because he gets the treats that I like to limit and he stays up past his bedtime. But that's what Grandparents are for, and it makes him happy, so what is better than that? He has a very special relationship with his Fafa, and I can already see that Lennox will too.

Anyway, while we were out, Mr. Monkey rolled over on his own for the first time. Bittersweet. So happy that he finally did it, but disappointed that I missed out. We have been working on it all week! Little turkey:)  I did get to witness it all day however. He thinks he's a big man on campus and so he should. We had a little celebration every time. Still working on his sitting, but he slowly getting the hang of it. He is a strong boy and actually sits better with very little support when he's distracted. I don't get it. But whatever works, I'll gladly take.

                             

I had him at Children's Emerg again this past Monday for respiratory issues thanks to his cold. He became stridorous and we had a couple of sleepless nights. During his nap on Monday, I could hear his breathing getting a little more laboured and I actually noticed him having brief but frequent apneic spells, lasting about 2 seconds or so. So off we went. I wasn't going to play around with that overnight. He needed a couple of epinephrine inhalations to help with the immediate swelling followed by my favourite medication, Dexamethasone. They are questioning tracheomalacia, seeing as every time he gets sick, he has stridor and is a little young for Croup. It's something we need to keep in the back of our mind anyway, and if it happens again, we more than likely will be seeing ENT. We stayed 6 hours or so, until they were happy with his breathing. Home just after 1:00 am. He is much better now and has since passed his cold onto his brother. He's such a good baby even when he's sick. My sweet little man:) It really sucks when kids are sick. I worry a little more, sleep a little lighter and am a lot quicker to take him to the doctor, than any of the others. Only because he is more susceptible and his little body seems to get hit harder and way more often. Sigh*

                        

                           (This is him sick)

I have been busy with my Facebook page and website, trying to bring awareness and education for Ds. People ask me what am I trying or hoping to do. I don't really understand the reason behind the question. And I never know how to answer. The best way I can describe my hopes is this... I want to inform. I want to advocate. I want the rest of the world to see what we see. I want the doubters to become believers. And I'd like the believers to become advocates. I want to speak for my son. For him and his friends. For the strangers we see in the community and for the unborn. In hopes that maybe we can change the perception as to what the future may hold...

             

I sometimes am made to feel like it may be a hopeless idea. And I am being annoying or pushy. And maybe, just maybe I shouldn't care so much. I know that the people that care are already aware and offer some great support. I am learning as our journey goes on, that support comes from people you wouldn't expect. And where you thought you'd receive an abundance, you actually receive very little. It's interesting... I was also told that good people don't judge. That may be true. And I am grateful for that. But those same good people may not fully comprehend what the world of Down syndrome looks like. From the proper terminology to stereotyping to underestimating the abilities and possibilities of those with Ds. That's what I am hoping to do. I hope to clarify any misinformation. I don't expect to enlighten the immature fools that post pictures of themselves making funny faces on Instagram and give it a #downsyndrome. Or the ones that purposefully seek out photos of people or children with Ds and make rude comments. Unfortunately, I feel those kind of people have bigger issues and can't be"educated". I only wish we could change their perspective. But I guess I'll never know unless I try.

                                                   

So I have started a mini campaign on my Facebook page called Opening Hearts and Minds. If you're on Facebook and haven't checked out the page, you should:)  Maybe even give it a 'like'!! I have no idea what I am doing, and I don't even know if I am accomplishing what I am hoping to, but again, I feel I have to try. Many parents have come forward and want their kiddies to be a part of the project, which I think is awesome! I will keep you updated. So far, so good. It's a little slow taking off but I expected that. I will try to be patient, and better yet, try to keep my head up while waiting. Thanks to all that follow and support. It means the world to me<3

Here's a few cute pics just because:)

                     

                     

                             

Have a great week!

May I have a word...?

I am sitting here in the morning writing this post. Something I NEVER get to do. I've already had my 2 cups of coffee and the dishes are done. This is a rarity for me. Why do I have this extra time you ask? Lennox is sleeping AGAIN! Today, nap time came a lot earlier than it normally does.

Lennox had his 6 month immunizations last Friday. Yes, Measles included. And now a week later, his growing little body has taken a hit because of it. I admit I am a little frustrated that he even needed to get the vaccine in the first place!! This world is a crazy, confusing place sometimes.

Because I am a nurse, I am a firm believer in allowing the body to heal and repair itself with any common illness. We don't run to the doctor for fevers unless they have lasted longer than I feel they should or there are any other symptoms that I feel aren't on the "normal" side of things. And honestly, up until this past year, our family never even got a flu shot, aside from the H1N1 and my family is typically healthy.

But now, vaccine wary families have changed things for everyone. An astonishing 20% of the population delay or choose not to vaccinate their children. Awesome for them, but not so awesome for the 80% that want to keep their children disease free. I feel kids these days do get an awful lot of needles so I can appreciate the hesitancy. However, let's stop and think about this... I'm almost certain there will be other outbreaks. Different diseases coming back because of these individual choices. After all who thought Measles would be a worry in this day and age? This map shows the recent outbreaks across the world.

I guess it just boggles my mind. And I am saddened that my little monkey is feeling so rotten right now when he really shouldn't. He shouldn't have NEEDED to get the vaccine at all. An unnecessary immunization...until 12 months of age! And he still will receive his regular MMR in another 6 months. An extra poke. Another day of feeling rotten.

Want to "cut down" on the amount of immunizations given to your child? Let's get educated and help protect each other and our children and our children's children...!

*Please note that this is just my personal opinion as a parent. I am not passing judgement or pointing fingers(aside from the photo). I am just as concerned about the amount of vaccines and what are in them. But I also know that it would break my heart if any of my children came down with any illness that could have been prevented. Wouldn't you?

Happy Tuesday<3

Just a quick post tonight.

We have been very busy working on meeting milestones this week. Lennox tries very hard and doesn't get frustrated when he's had enough. He just starts looking tuckered out, so then we stop. It's a slow progression. But he's getting there though. Still not rolling, but the boy can nearly sit on his own. Go figure!

We had an "assessment" by our Child Development Specialist today. She is very good and it was done through play. So Lennox got to impress Shirley first with his infectious smile and charming personality and then he shared his "skills". Happy to report that he is doing everything he is supposed to be. Meaning bringing arms to midline over his chest while laying down. Reaching for and grasping toys and sometimes bringing them to his mouth. His little tongue seems to always be out so he gets a good taste of everything he touches:) You can tell he's concentrating very hard. Go Lennox!

Water therapy is going well and he continues to love it. Well at least I think he loves it. He doesn't protest when he's there. But again, he doesn't really complain about much. He's a "go with the flow" kinda guy. So we make a pretty good team. I admit that I like to sometimes be of a bit of a "No plan Fran"! Lennox has a little buddy at WT, the same age...and by he has a buddy I mean, I have a buddy(his mom) and the boys are to thank for that:) I can see the two of them growing up to be good friends! Go Eddie and Lenny<3

They are so darn cute, it kills me. They noticed each other for the first time the other day and their reactions were priceless. We were too busy celebrating them that we never noticed the class was waiting on us... Awkward! But it was worth it.

So in a nutshell, things are good. Crazy, but good! 

PS. Lennox will be featured in an online Magazine this month, Special Miracles. Stay tuned:)

Super Mom

Being a new mom to a baby with special needs hasn't been quite what I expected. Honestly, I'm not sure what I was expecting. They really should have a book titled "What to expect when you're expecting a child with Down syndrome (lightbulb). After all my research throughout the pregnancy, I guess I was expecting to get my cape at the hospital...

                              

I have been a mother for the past 19.5 years, so I feel I may be a bit of a seasoned veteran(shush). But I am now a mother of a child with more specialized needs. As far as babies go, their needs are simple ones..."love me, cuddle me, feed me and change me." I could spend all day playing with Lennox. It's no wonder I don't really accomplish much throughout the day. I admit that somedays I feel like I have done absolutely NADA. I could use a housekeeper, a cook, a secretary and a professional dog walker. I admit I CAN'T DO IT ALL anymore. And I am ok with admitting that I am not a superhero. I am not a "supermom". I am a mother just trying to keep it all together. 

Children are children. They need their mommies. The needs may be similar and are usually met in similar fashion. But sometimes they need to met all at the same time and then the quality of delivery takes a hit. But alas, I am still "Mom to the rescue"!  I sleep in intervals and with one ear always open. I eat whatever I can, whenever I can. I am always wearing the scent of "Eau du Mama". And quiet time is only when the wee ones are in bed. It sometimes seems like a thankless job. And sometimes I feel like I am failing more than "winning". But, I know that no one can kiss a boo boo, or wipe the tears from a broken heart better than a mom. We make the best sandwiches and give the best hugs. I have come to realize that it doesn't take a special kind of person to be a special kind of parent. I am not a "special" parent because I have a baby with special needs. I am special because I love my kids more than I love myself and I am doing my very best. Aren't we all?

I am still learning about how to raise a child with Down syndrome. So far, it has been no different than raising my "typical" children. Lennox's needs are the same but sometimes just take a little more time.  The demands are the same. They just sometimes need to be met a little more often. Somedays I sleep a little less, somedays I sleep a little more. I find myself spending less time stressing, and more time enjoying the the little things in life. More time celebrating the milestones rather than rushing them. Life can be hectic with 5 kids. I didn't expect it not to be. It sometimes can be a bit of a juggling act between appointments, therapy sessions, and life. I am busy! But aren't we all? 

Life is good. It's actually better than good. It is great! Lennox brings a certain light to our lives that we never knew we needed. I feel that I am a different kind of mother than what I once was. I feel my purpose runs a little deeper with Lennox. I am working hard for him. I feel I need to ensure that he will have a full, happy life and that he will be as loved and accepted by the world as he is at home. Looking back, I never really put so much thought into how to "raise" my babies. I just knew I wanted them to feel loved, happy and to be respectful. It is the same with Lennox, only now there is the added goal of inclusion. I am so determined because I love him so much. He gives me the strength to be that "special" kind of parent I want to be. I only want what's best for him and for the rest of my gang. I am a mom on a mission...to be a SUPER mom. Aren't we all? Happy Mother's day <3