Silver Lining

As a filter through each book I read about Down syndrome, I grow not only more educated but more nervous at the same time.  I want to be ready for anything.  But I am finding the more I read about health risks, developmental delays and early intervention etc, I catch myself wondering "is there a silver lining?"  Some of the information I read is concerning to me.  And I admit I am sometimes discouraged.  I am a strong person and most of the time try to be very positive but I am also human.

Don't get me wrong, I will love our new baby like there is no tomorrow.  I do not doubt that one bit.  What I sometimes doubt is how will I be able to deal with it all?  The what-if's and the how-to's.  Trying to see too far ahead is what's so frightening for me.  

I have wondered myself at times, why after all the early losses I endured, how I managed to get pregnant at the ripe age of 42 and why this little one decided to stick around.  Am I too old to take on raising a child with special needs?  Where is that silver lining? So many questions.  You hear things like "everything happens for a reason" or " you were chosen", among other encouraging words that people say when they don't really know what to say.  I am a believer and I feel God does have a plan for me, for our family.  Even though at times, everything feels so grey.

Earlier today, my second daughter Jaye informed me she has a presentation she has to do for school, supporting something she finds important.  She chose Down syndrome Awareness.  She chose this all on her own and later tells me it was the first thing that came to mind.  She proudly showed me her poster of a cute chubby cheeked baby along with an inspirational saying "a blessing, not a burden" and information about the Down syndrome Association here in Calgary.  It was a proud moment for me watching my 13 yr old beam from ear to ear talking about her project.  

Then I started thinking about my other daughter, Braedyn.  How at 16 yrs of age she is interested in coming to appointments, watching informational DVD's and hearing what the books I am reading say. She doesn't want to read them because that would mean actually having to read, which is not one of her favorite things to do.  But she is interested and that makes me happy and proud that she wants to be so involved and is jumping in with both feet.

Then I realized that these 2 girls are my silver lining.  They are already growing and changing as individuals and I could not be more proud.  They are strong and positive and I know in my heart that, no matter how dark the cloud appears, our family will grow and change together as we all travel down the same road.  And I look forward to learning all this angel has to teach us.  And that is a beautiful silver lining!