It's all okay...

Dear new parent,

Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby! She's so perfect and tiny. 10 fingers and 10 toes and the cutest button nose you have ever seen. But there's more. You have just become a parent to an earth angel and she has Down syndrome. Two words you never thought you'd hear.

It's ok...that suddenly you feel like your dreams are shattered and your heart breaks. You're angry. You're scared. You're grieving. It feels like the end of your world as you know it. I get it. I felt all of the same emotions...I just got to feel them a little earlier. I am not sure which is easier, and it doesn't really matter. We all have our story. And we all process and cope in different ways. I am not going to tell you what to feel and I'm not going to tell you what not to feel. But I will tell you, it's ok to feel what you need to feel. And I will gently remind you that there is still so much to celebrate! You have created a beautiful baby. A precious little being. A valuable life. He may not be what you were expecting, but he is still very much your child and still needs you...to cuddle him and to nurture him. He needs you to accept him and to love him. 

It's ok...if she feels a little "softer" in your arms. Hold her close. Look at that sweet face<3 So beautiful! She looks like you...like your older daughter...or like her daddy.  She has the most AMAZING eyes that will disappear when she smiles. They will stop you in your tracks and warm your heart. And when she looks at you, she will see into your soul. She will see you for you, and will unconditionally accept you for all that you are and all that you feel you are not. 

It's ok...that you may be scared. You know nothing about raising a baby with special needs. You may have preconceived ideas about Down syndrome from when you were a child. Your doctors may have told you of the things that your baby can't or won't do. None of that matters now. YOU write your own story. NO ONE can tell you what your child will or will not do. There are no guarantees with any child. Your child with or without Down syndrome may or may not do things that you dream for them. It's ok...NO ONE knows. But s/he will LOVE you...that IS a guarantee!

It's ok that s/he will have to work a little harder and may take a little longer to reach those "milestones".  And it's ok to get discouraged sometimes. It takes time. But s/he will get there, with your help and when they do...you will scream with excitement. NO ONE can tell you what you child can or can not do. YOU are his teacher. His guardian. His biggest advocate. You are his mother. And he is your whole world! And that's better than ok. It's down right awesome! 

Welcome to the club, Mama<3  It's all going to be ok!

Love,

A very lucky mom to a very special little boy

2014 in a Nutshell

Wow! I can hardly believe that it is already the middle of January! Where has the time gone?

I feel negligent in the blogging department as of late. I can make up every excuse in the book, but it all comes down to writer's block. I got nothin!

But I will quickly recap 2014...better late than never ;)

This time last year we were still juggling oxygen tanks and tubing. Struggling with feeding issues and gaining weight. Ended up having to give up breastfeeding all together, thanks to a nasty bout of Mastitis, which proved to be a blessing in disguise. As soon as Mr. Man was getting the calories his little brain and body needed, he flourished. He caught up in weight and started being more alert and reaching those sweet newborn milestones, like smiling and holding up his head.

February took us to Mexico for the first time with a little baby in tow. Thankfully we retired the oxygen at the end of January which allowed us to be foot loose and fancy free throughout the streets of Nuevo Vallarta. We were told by numerous fellow vacationers that he was the cutest baby at the resort! I would have to agree with that one ;)

March we started Water therapy and this is a month for the books as we met our first friends within our Down syndrome community, which we are very grateful for. I can honestly say...the Down syndrome community rocks! This was also the month that I shared with extended friends and distant family that Lennox had Down syndrome...through starting my first FB page...gasp! The support was overwhelming! Like I said...LOVE LOVE LOVE this community and I love the fact that Lennox is changing hearts and changing the statistics with every new milestone he makes.

The months that followed were just a lot of the same shenanigans. Therapies, appointments, and coffee dates. A certain part of the day was dedicated to play therapy at home. Lennox was thriving. That's all I could have asked for. The rest was just gravy.

We made our first road trip to my hometown in Manitoba, which was a success. I loathe road trips, but this one was exciting as the rest of my family got to meet Lennox. I also managed to revisit the many "monuments" of my childhood. Winnipeg is the city that built me.

Once summer ended and school began, Lennox started attending PREP, which is an early learning program specifically for children with Down syndrome. We sing, we play, we focus on the basics of speech therapy, self awareness and being aware of others. We play, we visit, we laugh and sometimes we even cry. LOVE LOVE LOVE this program and love the people that have grown to be part of our family.

October marked a year of Loving our sweet Lennox. What a year it turned out to be...the ups and downs...but I wouldn't change a single moment. He has forever changed our family. And for that I am eternally grateful. LOVE LOVE LOVE my family! If you haven't seen his birthday video, be sure to check it out on Facebook.

I went back to work part time at the beginning of November. It was a difficult transition for me. I am more settled now but still miss his sweet smile like crazy. Having Lennox has opened my own heart and mind to the world of special needs. I feel I am more compassionate, more patient and understanding in caring for these families and their children. I have come to accept and appreciate that everyone has a story, and I am more than happy to hear it. I love my job.

Christmas was a quiet one for our family of 7. This year of all years has caused me to reflect and made me realize what truly matters in life. As we all sat unwrapping our gifts on Christmas morning, I had a different sense of gratitude and appreciation. The greatest of gifts didn't come wrapped in a bow. The greatest gift of this season for me was self growth. I am altogether a different person than I was this time last year...and it's all because of my awesome little man that blessed our family and our home with his sweet magic.

Lennox has been growing like a weed and is reaching his milestones. We work hard and he has the determination of his father. 2014 was a busy year. An awesome, busy year. We met many new friends whom we love dearly and look forward to watching our kiddos grow up together whether in be in real life or on FB. I have learned the true meaning of patience. I have a new sense of appreciation for the little things and accept the things that are out of my control. 

This upcoming year will be filled with many more new adventures as we continue to navigate this road of raising our beautiful boy. I look forward to seeing all the amazing things he will accomplish and the change the world is about to encounter. #IMREADY Go Lennox!

You can follow daily updates at Loving Lennox <3

Just because...

When we learned at 14 weeks that our baby would be born with Down syndrome, we were surprised, but not really. After all I was well over the age of 35 and knew that our chances were high regardless. We chose to have a CVS to confirm...but just because I had prenatal testing doesn't mean that I had any intentions of putting a value on his life. He was our son no matter what. And I believe every life has value!

Just because we were sad following the diagnosis doesn't mean that we didn't want him. And it certainly didn't mean we loved him any less just because he had an extra chromosome. There now was just a little more to love <3

Just because Lennox has Down syndrome doesn't make him any less of a member of our family. He brings so much joy to our daily lives and his smiles make us smile from the inside out. He truly is invaluable and we couldn't possibly imagine life without him. And by him, I mean Lennox WITH Down syndrome, not who he'd have been if he didn't have that little something EXTRA. He is who he is meant to be, and so are we because of him.

Down syndrome is misunderstood by so many. Society has a certain idea of what Down syndrome is and that in turn places a certain level of fear into those planning to have or already expecting a baby. It's true, there are things about raising a child with Down syndrome that will differ from raising a child without Down syndrome. There are some more specialized needs that may require a little different approach to parenting and take a little more patience. But just because it may take a little longer to learn and do things, does not mean that Lennox or any of his friends will never be able to do things independently. Just because there is a degree of cognitive disability does not mean you will "have a child forever". Individuals with Ds are becoming more and more independent with the growing amount of resources and services that are available. You can't put limits on the possibilities of the abilities. Lennox shows us more and more every day what he is capable of achieving on his own. And his determination is something we all could learn from. And for the record, there are no guarantees that parenting will be a cake walk just because a child doesn't have Ds. Parenting is hard. PERIOD.

Just because Down syndrome is different, does not mean it is wrong. Just because Lennox may be seen as "different" does not mean people have the right to judge him based on his differences. Being different is what makes a person YOUnique. The world would be a pretty boring place if we all were the same. Take the time to see past the diagnosis. There is more ability to be seen than disability. We don't see Lennox any differently than our other kids. We are equally proud of each and very one of our 5 kiddos. They all are different and each bring something unique to our family. Lennox has Down syndrome. He may be a little delayed. He may need someone to watch over him when we are gone. But then again, he may not. Just because the literature says one thing doesn't mean it is always so. Research for Ds has evolved and in turn the stats for Down syndrome are forever changing. We believe in many things...but most of all we believe in Lennox and will never stop believing...EVER!

Just because I chose to share Lennox and our journey with the rest of the world, does not mean I am looking for anything. I share him because I am proud, that is no secret. I want to educate and bring awareness to others. There is great hope for children with Down syndrome. I wish to open as many hearts and minds as possible and if I can help even ONE family find peace, to see the beauty and celebrate the gift that comes with having a child with Down syndrome then I have achieved my goal! And I will keep sharing the love... just because it's just too awesome not to!

 I mean seriously...who wouldn't be happy seeing this sweet smile everyday?

#DsAM

Maybe someday...

I am usually pretty easy going. I like to look at things objectively and keep an open mind. Having a child with Down syndrome has not only opened my eyes but my ears as well. Hearing certain terminology used in regards to Down syndrome, truth be told...it irritates me. And I'm not talking about the R word. We all know that is considered politically incorrect and there already is a movement to try and eliminate that word from the rest of the world's vocabulary. I'm talking about other words...words you wouldn't automatically think would sound insensitive. It may just be me, but there are some that seem to set me off. I would like to try and shed some light and hopefully set the record straight. Maybe SOMEDAY, the choice of words used will be different.

Every time I have heard or seen this word used in reference to Down syndrome, it has been in news articles or broadcasts. But some people are under the assumption that our children "suffer" from Down syndrome. To me, that sentence just screams tragedy. Don't get me wrong, it's not all sunshine and rainbows either but I hardly consider my son to be suffering in any way, nor is he "affected" by his diagnosis. There are certain aspects of Ds that affect or delay development, or cause some significant health concerns, but I would never say that he is "affected by Ds". To be clear...Down syndrome is NOT a disease. It's not painful. It isn't a punishment nor is it a sentence. It is something my son will have forever, but it won't keep him from living a full, happy life. In fact, surveys have shown that 97% of people with Down syndrome actually LIKE who they are. That sounds more like thriving than suffering to me.

My son and many other children and people with Down syndrome are living happy and productive lives. Their "condition" doesn't limit them from doing anything. With hard work and the proper support, people with Down syndrome can achieve whatever they set out to do. The phrase "The only disability is the inability to see ability" seems very suiting. Down syndrome is a medical diagnosis, not a condition or a disorder. It is only a small PART of the individual, and the number of chromosomes should never define ANYONE or their abilities. 

It is very common to hear a baby or child with Ds, called a "downs baby". Hearing that term doesn't bother me much, but it still tugs at my heart a little when I hear someone say "Oh, he's downs or that little downs boy". Only because I don't want Down syndrome to be the first thing a person sees or thinks of when they look at my son or his friends. As a kind reminder...there is more than what meets your eye. Our children are people. Just people. Incredible and extraordinary people. You'd never hear "she's that little glasses girl or wheelchair boy". One may say "the little girl with glasses, or the boy in a wheelchair". But when it comes down to it, why is it so natural for people to voice the obvious differences? And seriously, does it really matter? Everyone wants to be seen for WHO they are, not for what makes them different. It's important to see the person FIRST rather than the disability.

Now the word "perfect" is a biggie for me. It's not the word so much as the message behind it. What exactly does being perfect mean? According to the dictionary, it's defined as "without flaws". Interesting. And anything deviating from that, I assume would be deemed imperfect or abnormal? So, when one describes a person or thing as perfect, it would be considered a compliment. And of course, everyone likes perfect. 

This is where my mind starts racing...

I have never really put much thought into the word until recently. When expecting a child, whether it be the first, fifth or fifteenth, the hopes are for a "perfect", healthy baby. Of course. Where I have trouble is when we start using the word "perfect" in terms of someone's genetic makeup. In my opinion, perfect is a word that comes with too many expectations. Following a prenatal diagnosis, there are certain medical practioners that encourage the mother to terminate the pregnancy. Having been in that position, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't torn. We were upset. We were angry. And we were scared. All common feelings under the circumstances, I suppose. I remember the pain, the sadness and the self doubt. If having 46 chromosomes is seen as "perfect", then having 47 chromosomes is considered what exactly? A mistake? A flaw? Does having 47 chromosomes make MY baby seem any less perfect?

Which leads me to the phrase "letting go of perfect". I have seen this a few times and I understand the message is acceptance for things we can not change. That everyone sees things differently and learns to embrace life in ways they never thought they could. It's grieving the loss of the idea of the child they thought they wanted. But find love and beauty in a gift of a child they never knew the needed. I get it. I think the message is beautiful, but personally, I haven't "let go" of anything. We wanted a perfect child, and that is what we got. Our son may not be seen as "perfect" by society's standards but he IS perfect to us. His extra chromosome makes him who he is. And we wouldn't change him for the world. True story.

Words hold a lot of hidden power. In any given situation, it is wise to choose your words carefully. I am out to change the world for my little boy. Even if it is only one person or one word at a time. It may not seem like much, but together we will make a difference someday. Change your thoughts and you can help change the world.

Thank you:)