Just because...

When we learned at 14 weeks that our baby would be born with Down syndrome, we were surprised, but not really. After all I was well over the age of 35 and knew that our chances were high regardless. We chose to have a CVS to confirm...but just because I had prenatal testing doesn't mean that I had any intentions of putting a value on his life. He was our son no matter what. And I believe every life has value!

Just because we were sad following the diagnosis doesn't mean that we didn't want him. And it certainly didn't mean we loved him any less just because he had an extra chromosome. There now was just a little more to love <3

Just because Lennox has Down syndrome doesn't make him any less of a member of our family. He brings so much joy to our daily lives and his smiles make us smile from the inside out. He truly is invaluable and we couldn't possibly imagine life without him. And by him, I mean Lennox WITH Down syndrome, not who he'd have been if he didn't have that little something EXTRA. He is who he is meant to be, and so are we because of him.

Down syndrome is misunderstood by so many. Society has a certain idea of what Down syndrome is and that in turn places a certain level of fear into those planning to have or already expecting a baby. It's true, there are things about raising a child with Down syndrome that will differ from raising a child without Down syndrome. There are some more specialized needs that may require a little different approach to parenting and take a little more patience. But just because it may take a little longer to learn and do things, does not mean that Lennox or any of his friends will never be able to do things independently. Just because there is a degree of cognitive disability does not mean you will "have a child forever". Individuals with Ds are becoming more and more independent with the growing amount of resources and services that are available. You can't put limits on the possibilities of the abilities. Lennox shows us more and more every day what he is capable of achieving on his own. And his determination is something we all could learn from. And for the record, there are no guarantees that parenting will be a cake walk just because a child doesn't have Ds. Parenting is hard. PERIOD.

Just because Down syndrome is different, does not mean it is wrong. Just because Lennox may be seen as "different" does not mean people have the right to judge him based on his differences. Being different is what makes a person YOUnique. The world would be a pretty boring place if we all were the same. Take the time to see past the diagnosis. There is more ability to be seen than disability. We don't see Lennox any differently than our other kids. We are equally proud of each and very one of our 5 kiddos. They all are different and each bring something unique to our family. Lennox has Down syndrome. He may be a little delayed. He may need someone to watch over him when we are gone. But then again, he may not. Just because the literature says one thing doesn't mean it is always so. Research for Ds has evolved and in turn the stats for Down syndrome are forever changing. We believe in many things...but most of all we believe in Lennox and will never stop believing...EVER!

Just because I chose to share Lennox and our journey with the rest of the world, does not mean I am looking for anything. I share him because I am proud, that is no secret. I want to educate and bring awareness to others. There is great hope for children with Down syndrome. I wish to open as many hearts and minds as possible and if I can help even ONE family find peace, to see the beauty and celebrate the gift that comes with having a child with Down syndrome then I have achieved my goal! And I will keep sharing the love... just because it's just too awesome not to!

 I mean seriously...who wouldn't be happy seeing this sweet smile everyday?

#DsAM

Maybe someday...

I am usually pretty easy going. I like to look at things objectively and keep an open mind. Having a child with Down syndrome has not only opened my eyes but my ears as well. Hearing certain terminology used in regards to Down syndrome, truth be told...it irritates me. And I'm not talking about the R word. We all know that is considered politically incorrect and there already is a movement to try and eliminate that word from the rest of the world's vocabulary. I'm talking about other words...words you wouldn't automatically think would sound insensitive. It may just be me, but there are some that seem to set me off. I would like to try and shed some light and hopefully set the record straight. Maybe SOMEDAY, the choice of words used will be different.

Every time I have heard or seen this word used in reference to Down syndrome, it has been in news articles or broadcasts. But some people are under the assumption that our children "suffer" from Down syndrome. To me, that sentence just screams tragedy. Don't get me wrong, it's not all sunshine and rainbows either but I hardly consider my son to be suffering in any way, nor is he "affected" by his diagnosis. There are certain aspects of Ds that affect or delay development, or cause some significant health concerns, but I would never say that he is "affected by Ds". To be clear...Down syndrome is NOT a disease. It's not painful. It isn't a punishment nor is it a sentence. It is something my son will have forever, but it won't keep him from living a full, happy life. In fact, surveys have shown that 97% of people with Down syndrome actually LIKE who they are. That sounds more like thriving than suffering to me.

My son and many other children and people with Down syndrome are living happy and productive lives. Their "condition" doesn't limit them from doing anything. With hard work and the proper support, people with Down syndrome can achieve whatever they set out to do. The phrase "The only disability is the inability to see ability" seems very suiting. Down syndrome is a medical diagnosis, not a condition or a disorder. It is only a small PART of the individual, and the number of chromosomes should never define ANYONE or their abilities. 

It is very common to hear a baby or child with Ds, called a "downs baby". Hearing that term doesn't bother me much, but it still tugs at my heart a little when I hear someone say "Oh, he's downs or that little downs boy". Only because I don't want Down syndrome to be the first thing a person sees or thinks of when they look at my son or his friends. As a kind reminder...there is more than what meets your eye. Our children are people. Just people. Incredible and extraordinary people. You'd never hear "she's that little glasses girl or wheelchair boy". One may say "the little girl with glasses, or the boy in a wheelchair". But when it comes down to it, why is it so natural for people to voice the obvious differences? And seriously, does it really matter? Everyone wants to be seen for WHO they are, not for what makes them different. It's important to see the person FIRST rather than the disability.

Now the word "perfect" is a biggie for me. It's not the word so much as the message behind it. What exactly does being perfect mean? According to the dictionary, it's defined as "without flaws". Interesting. And anything deviating from that, I assume would be deemed imperfect or abnormal? So, when one describes a person or thing as perfect, it would be considered a compliment. And of course, everyone likes perfect. 

This is where my mind starts racing...

I have never really put much thought into the word until recently. When expecting a child, whether it be the first, fifth or fifteenth, the hopes are for a "perfect", healthy baby. Of course. Where I have trouble is when we start using the word "perfect" in terms of someone's genetic makeup. In my opinion, perfect is a word that comes with too many expectations. Following a prenatal diagnosis, there are certain medical practioners that encourage the mother to terminate the pregnancy. Having been in that position, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't torn. We were upset. We were angry. And we were scared. All common feelings under the circumstances, I suppose. I remember the pain, the sadness and the self doubt. If having 46 chromosomes is seen as "perfect", then having 47 chromosomes is considered what exactly? A mistake? A flaw? Does having 47 chromosomes make MY baby seem any less perfect?

Which leads me to the phrase "letting go of perfect". I have seen this a few times and I understand the message is acceptance for things we can not change. That everyone sees things differently and learns to embrace life in ways they never thought they could. It's grieving the loss of the idea of the child they thought they wanted. But find love and beauty in a gift of a child they never knew the needed. I get it. I think the message is beautiful, but personally, I haven't "let go" of anything. We wanted a perfect child, and that is what we got. Our son may not be seen as "perfect" by society's standards but he IS perfect to us. His extra chromosome makes him who he is. And we wouldn't change him for the world. True story.

Words hold a lot of hidden power. In any given situation, it is wise to choose your words carefully. I am out to change the world for my little boy. Even if it is only one person or one word at a time. It may not seem like much, but together we will make a difference someday. Change your thoughts and you can help change the world.

Thank you:)

The City That Built Me

I went home to Winnipeg for a week over the summer. I haven't been back there in a couple of years. The last time the Dueck clan got together was on a camping trip last August up in Northern Saskatchewan. I was preggers last summer, so this was the first time everyone got to meet little Lennox.

I had a feeling of nostalgia this trip. I found myself reminiscing my childhood a lot. It wasn't on purpose. It actually was rather random and caught me by surprise. Every other time I have gone home, it was just for a visit with the fam. I never cared to see where a lot of my memories came from. Has having Lennox opened my own heart and mind that much? Have I gotten even MORE sentimental with age? It appears so...

Paxton, the boys and I hit the highway early in the morning. It is at least a 12 hour drive without stopping. And travelling with 2 littles, we knew it could make for a long day. Lennox was an absolute angel. I sat in the backseat between both boys for most of the trip. It was a tight squeeze but neither of them seemed to mind. My butt on the other hand protested a bit. Magnus packed his own bag of distraction. He even packed his Despicable Me fart gun because he thought his cousins would laugh. (rest assured, it was a huge success). During the drive he was quite content with his Nintendo DS and the portable DVD player. How our parents managed a road trip when we were young, and we all lived to see the next day, I'll never understand;)

We spent most of the week just chilling at my brother's house. My nieces were so amazing with "Baby Lennox" and he loved them as much in return. Magnus enjoyed himself immensely and always says that he would like to stay and live with Auntie Katie and Uncle Jared. It is pretty cute and it must make them feel pretty good:) However, the last time he said that was in Saskatchewan and went as far as putting his bag in their truck. He was adimate! I was devastated and cried (keep in mind, I was extremely pregnant and maybe a tad hormonal) This time he was saying it just to get his cousin going. He's such a poop disturber sometimes.

While in the big city, I drove past the house we grew up in. The house number was 21. I never knew at the time, the significance that number would have in my life. It's a good number. It was a good house in a good neighbourhood. My parents made it home for us for nearly 27 years. It was an older house that survived the Flood back in the 50's. I remember the oak harwood that gave me slivers if I went barefoot. They were old and creaky. As I grew, I learned where they creaked and avoided them like land mines when sneaking in late at night. There was a Pine tree in the front yard that my brothers and I would jump over. It now looks like it has since been replaced with a Maple, but the house looks the EXACT same as it did when I moved out in '92.

The road still has the same cracks and the trees have grown over, now touching in the centre. Driving on our old street reminded me of the days of road hockey, tag, hide and seek and the best times on the front lawn playing Statue. Those were the days of innocence. There was no such thing as cyber-bullying or online stalkers. The use of telephones were limited to inside the house and were usually attached to the wall. Kids played outside and only went in when it was mealtime. Sigh, I miss simple living sometimes. It's hard to believe that now society can't live without any form of technology. It makes me wonder what kind of world our children's children will live in.

I met up with a dear friend from High school this trip. We have been friends since grade 9 and haven't seen each other probably in over 22 years. It was so great to see her again. It's nice to know that as much as things change, there are things that never change. High school to many are the worst years, but those 3 years for me were some of the best years. I had a great circle of friends. We grew up together. We survived the drama years...often adding a little flair to them ourselves. Oh those were some crazy days!

I attended Misericordia Hospital School of Nursing in the heart of downtown, along the Assinaboine River. I moved out and decided to lived in Residence and enjoyed my new found freedom...maybe a little too much on some occasions! My room was the size of a closet, with a sink and some shelves. The linoleum was BLUE!! But it was my space and I loved it...tacky blue flooring and all!

Nursing Residence 

I made some lasting friendships and will never forget the memories of living on Sherbrook Ave.  We would tan on the lawn of the hospital, along the river, while studying for exams. I was the darkest I'd ever been that first year...no sunscreen, just baby oil and iodine. So so stupid looking back! Skin cancer wasn't such a big worry back then. Nowadays I won't let the kids even outside without slathering it on.  

Entrance to the old part of the Hospital where we attended classes first year, right across the street from Res.

I can't believe this building is still standing!

We shopped at a little local grocery store down the road. It was kind of shady, but we still felt safe. There was a little hole in the wall diner we would all meet at for drinks after a long week of learning how to save lives:) This is where I learned to gamble by playing VLT's. I never became a millionaire at the Bella Vista, but spent money there like I had.

The good ol' Bella Vista still looks the same as 25 years ago

This was home for me for 2 years. It was a good place, and good time and I came out of it with 2 extra letters behind my name. And then I met the man of my dreams...and added 3 letters to the beginning of my name<3 I met Paxton in the summer between 1st and 2nd year. I went up to Red Lake to work and fell in love instead...awww:) He moved to Winnipeg that year and we were married a couple of years later in the Church I grew up in.

Winnipeg's pace is slow, which is a good thing. Except when you're stuck in traffic on the crappy roads...not so good. The weather in the summer is always reliable. The heat and humidity are a very good thing. The winters, however are not. It isn't as wealthy of a city as some, but the economy is on the rise. There's no keeping up with the Jones' here. People work hard and and live modest lives. All very good things. It is a good city. It is where I grew up. The memories I experienced here, the good and the bad, made me who I am today. It is the city that built me, and for that I am grateful. Go Jets Go!

PS. Thanks for coming on my little trip down memory lane :)

A Perfect World

Since having sweet little Lennox, life has changed some. Ok, alot! Yup this little fella has turned my life upside down. The house isn't as kept as I'd like and the laundry is always 8 feet high. Life has been extremely busy since his arrival 9.5 months ago. But I'll let you in on a secret...life could not be more complete. He has made our world even brighter with his constant look of adoration and his wide mouthed smile. Yes, I think the laundry can wait, and the house...well, whatever...it's lived in:)

Lennox has a great little life. He is more than thriving and so am I. Our own Circle 21 has gotten so much bigger that it's crazy to think one extra little chromosome can hold so much magic. But it truly does. It connects you to complete strangers. We all feel it, and it is a feeling that is indescribable. We admire, we encourage, we relate, and we genuinely care about each others children. Some whom we have never met nor will probably ever meet. We. Are. Connected.

We are also admired, encouraged and cared about by so many. Our family, our dear friends that have not wavered over time and our new friends we have met along the way, and by our Facebook followers that have chosen to follow our journey. All, to learn...to teach...to care and to share the love for Down syndrome. Thank you to each and every one of you! I have said it many times...your care and support is appreciated more than you probably will ever know. Please know that when I say this, that I'm not crying in a corner or laying on the floor in a puddle of self pity. The support we receive is ongoing encouragement and interest in what Lennox is up to, how he's doing and how we are managing. It's nice to know that people are in your corner and I am extremely grateful:) I admit though, where I thought I'd have an outpouring of support, there has been minimal. People I thought would be there and well to be honest haven't shown much interest at all... and I find myself wondering why that is. I know life is busy for everyone. I often wonder if some may feel that support may not be needed. That I always manage to get through things usually unscathed. Without a hair out of place. Haha, yeah right. Are they thinking..."They say he's more alike than different, so why should we treat Lennox any differently? We should just treat him the same as we do other children." Is that what goes through their minds, I wonder.

The truth is, yes he IS more alike than different. But raising him IS different than with my other children. Yes, we will treat him the same. We will encourage, celebrate, and discipline. But what some people may not realize is that it may be a little harder, a little more frustrating at times. We may have a little more heartache. The celebrations may be far and few between, but we will get there and when we do, there WILL be a celebration. But what many fail to realize is this...the road may be the same, but our journey is very different. The path is long and winding. The destination is the same, but the way we get there is not. So, please be thoughtful. Be helpful. Be considerate. We don't want special treatment. We don't expect you to understand. How is it that a group of strangers that don't know us from Adam are so kind and caring? The world of Down syndrome is a pretty unique world. A world where no one judges. No one really complains. It's a world where each day brings new hope. The world may not be perfect, but so far, this new world we have become a part of seems like a pretty perfect world to me.

And with parenting a child will special needs...as far as I'm concerned, he has no special needs. His needs are to be loved and to be believed in. Lennox is a baby who will grow into a boy and then into a man. He will grow with our love and guidance, just as our others will. He will learn to be kind, to love and respect, and to work hard. It may not be the easiest at times, but we will figure it out as we go. As long as he knows he's loved to the moon and back and as long as my other kiddos know the same, then we are doing alright! It IS a PERFECT world:)

I love my PERFECT life!

Follow my daily blog at http://facebook.com/lovinglennox